this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
