I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
