That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
