Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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