Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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