never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
