Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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