the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
