I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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