Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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