Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
