I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
