you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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