I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
