official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
