we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
