No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
