My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
