i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
MIDGETS
????
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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