last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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