its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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