yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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