I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
