Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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