im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
