I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
