My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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