I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just google imaged poop.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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