I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
