i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
