found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
