whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
