Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
