you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
