im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
