OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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