the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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