I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
