So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
