About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just had sex on a roof
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
