Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
