I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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