I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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