I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
