You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
