we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
