if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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