I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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