it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
