i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
