I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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