I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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