every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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