i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
