This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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