he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
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