someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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