I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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