I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
