I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
