Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
