Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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