After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I deserve this hangover.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
