he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
