It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
