he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
