i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
