She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
