Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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