I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sponge bath it is.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
