Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
