you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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