dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
