Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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