I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
