Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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