Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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