like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
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Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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