i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
