hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
