so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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