I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize