if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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